Chicago, IL — Displaying a towering, custom-cut vinyl bumper sticker that reads "Not All Who Wander Are Lost," local semi-truck driver Dave Miller’s 18-wheeler was spotted late Tuesday evening wandering through the cramped, low-clearance residential streets of Lincoln Park.
Sources confirm the 53-foot, 80,000-pound Freightliner Cascadia has spent the last two hours taking poetic, soul-searching left turns down one-way alleyways, striking three tree branches and a vintage Vespa in a noble quest to find the local distribution center.
" Tolkien was talking about Aragorn, not a diesel-chugging rig trying to negotiate an 11-foot clearance bridge," said witness Sarah Jenkins, who watched the vehicle pull a 14-point turn in a Trader Joe's parking lot. "It wasn't a journey of self-discovery. He was clearly weeping behind his sunglasses."
When asked for comment while idling loudly at a dead-end cul-de-sac, Miller maintained a sense of rugged individualism.
"I’m not 'stuck,' I'm just taking the scenic route," Miller shouted over the roar of his idling engine, refusing to look at the blinking, frantic recalculation screen on his Garmin GPS. "The road is a metaphor, man. Sure, my haul of frozen poultry was due in Milwaukee three hours ago, but can you really put a deadline on finding yourself?"
At press time, Miller’s majestic, wandering spirit was last seen wedged tightly beneath a historic railroad trestle, serenaded by a choir of furious commuter car horns.
